Keeping costs down

On one hand funeral directors will say that the funeral costs are purely dictated by the choices families make and they justify their charges by explaining about the huge overheads their businesses have. Then there are the hundreds of people who contact the natural death centre expressing their wish to avoid a ‘traditional black funeral’ and the associated expenses. We get calls from frustrated families who are having ‘packages’ offered to them which contain services that they don’t need.

Firstly we would like to acknowledge that the majority of funeral directors are fantastic people offering crucial help to families at difficult times and they do need to charge fees that realistically reflect their business costs. However why should families who only want a basic service or a bit of help with one or two parts of a funeral have to pay to cover ‘features’ that they don’t want?

The answer here has got to be, shop around and find a flexible, bespoke service; some larger firms may have difficulty offering this.

The bluntly named ‘disposal service’ is a very basic funeral, where there is no funeral to speak of, the deceased is collected, placed in a cheap coffin and cremated at the funeral directors convenience. No service, no viewing, no anything. Fantastic if this is what you want, however this is not what your family may want!

Communication is the key with this whole subject and it is best to have such family talks when everyone is fit and well. If it is the wish of someone to cost the family as little as possible then there are many areas that can be explored, one overriding factor is that the deceased needs to have given their family permission to ‘avoid spending thousands on my funeral’. Otherwise the family may feel pressure from the funeral director and other family members that they are being tight or disrespectful. If they can stand up at the ceremony and say ‘please don’t think we are being mean, this is what Mum wanted’, it makes it all much easier. A lower cost funeral does not have to be a bad funeral likewise an expensive one does not guarantee a good one.

Many families contact us for help and advice about DIY funerals. There is no law stating that you have to use a funeral director, however unless you have family or friends who can carry out (literally) the process you will need to employ a funeral director. Some funeral directors are willing to help with just the nitty gritty parts such as dressing and placing the deceased in the coffin others are willing to offer cold storage facilities only.

If you are not doing a DIY funeral there are many other areas in which you could save money.

1 Coffins. Choose a basic coffin or make one yourself, some cemeteries even allow coffin free burials.

2 Embalming. You do not have to have this invasive, toxic procedure. If the funeral director does not have refrigerated facilities or a cold room or there is some delay in getting a date for the funeral, you may want to consider choosing another funeral director. The director may say that they do not advise visiting an un-embalmed body, in most cases there is no need for this attitude, the deceased will just look dead rather than looking as if they are still alive, which some people find more unsettling.

3 Visiting. Check with the funeral director if they charge a fee for every visit. If it is going to be important for the family to visit the deceased several times you might want to choose a different funeral director.

4 Flowers. When choosing floral tributes be aware that they can be extraordinarily expensive. Why not pick hand held bunches from the garden or just have each mourner holding one seasonal bloom. Conventional arrangement also produce a lot of non- compostable waste.

5 Officiant. If the service is not going to be religious why not conduct the service yourself or find someone within the family who can act as a Master of Ceremonies, calling on the other speakers and introducing the choices of music for example.

6 Order of service. Most families have someone with a computer and printer; why not get them to print out poems, hymns and other parts of the ceremony that the family have chosen.

7 Headstone. If you go to a natural burial site where a tree is planted instead of a headstone you will save hundreds of pounds.

8 Venue. You might like to have the service at home or at another venue, you don’t have to use the chapel at the crematorium or church.

9 Cars. You do not have to use a limousine, follow the hearse in your own vehicles, or meet at the funeral venue.

10 Hearse. You could transport the coffin from the funeral directors in your own vehicle (obviously make sure that the vehicle is long enough so that you can still close the boot). Or if you don’t want the big black funeral there are lots of alternative hearses and the funeral director might even have a plain estate car.

11 Pall Bearers. You could provide these yourselves. If the deceased is not very big there is no reason why four women can’t carry the coffin. You do not have to shoulder the coffin.

12 Grave digging. Some cemeteries or the natural burial grounds may allow you, under supervision or not, to dig the grave yourselves; this may cut this cost down.

13 Home burial. There is no law preventing you from being buried on your own land or that of a friend. As long as no money changes hands you do not need planning permission. There are potential problems with home burial, please get in contact with us if you are considering this option.

14 Catering. It is most usual for friends and acquaintances to make contact after a death and say something like ‘if there is anything I can do?’ say YES. It is comforting for everyone affected by a death to feel like they are doing something to help or contribute, so why not get them to rally round and do the sandwiches, cakes, provide the cutlery, organise the tea and coffee for example. Catering for 50 people can quickly cost much more than £500, so be a good delegator.